From my own experiences, I know the importance of self-love in friendship. During my high school years, I tended to avoid relationships and I did this primarily because I didn’t have an adequate love of myself. I couldn’t understand how people could be interested in spending time with me, and so I avoided drawing close to those around me. I concentrated on my studies, hoping to somehow attain happiness from my academic achievements. I did well in school, but something was definitely missing from my life. I didn’t have any close friends. I knew that friendship was important, but it didn’t seem possible for me. How could someone else like me if I didn’t really like myself? At the time, I didn’t know how I could ever come to a real appreciation of myself. I only had a notion that it had something to do with God. When I visited the University of Steubenville in December of 1988, I began to see that a love of self and others comes from an understanding of God’s love. Many of the students I met were genuinely friendly and seemed to have a good self-image. This was something unique, and I started to associate these qualities with the spiritual atmosphere on campus. I really appreciated this atmosphere and it was a major consideration in my decision to come to the University. I finally did come, and I have developed a much better understanding since then. The love of self comes from an understanding of God’s love for us, and without that understanding, it is very difficult to reach out and develop true friendships with others. This has been one of the greatest benefits of the time I’ve spent here at the University: I have come to a deeper appreciation of myself in the light of God’s love.

Self-love carries with it a certain paradox: The more a person comes to love himself (through God), the more he is willing to give of himself, to make himself vulnerable to others. This risk is taken in the knowledge of the Father’s unconditional love. There is a certain fulfillment that comes from sharing with others (through friendship) the love we receive from God. Love is more fulfilling when it is shared than when it is hoarded.

One reason that I think friendship is so enjoyable is that it allows us to appreciate qualities in others that we do not ourselves possess. God has made each person unique – indeed, unrepeatable – and friendship gives us a chance to celebrate our diversity. Our friends often have qualities that complement our own, and I think that we learn a great deal about becoming a more balanced person by relating with others. While we possess certain qualities in common with our friends, I think that much of the pleasure we receive from friendship stems from the uniqueness we discover in others.

As a final comment, I would agree that ideal friendship is singular in nature. I think it describes the relationship we can achieve with God. We can have strong and healthy friendships with others to the extent that we have this ideal relationship with God, a relationship that will be perfected in heaven. Our friendship with God is of primary importance: Through this friendship, we can enjoy friendship with those around us. Friendship is truly a gift from God. I am coming to appreciate this gift more fully, and I desire to develop deeper friendships both with God and with others.